What Does A Victim Of Domestic Violence Look Like?

I must admit, shamefully, that before things went bad with my ex, I had a stereotype of what a victim of domestic violence might look like. I expected she might be kind of small and skinny, with mousy hair. Plain, with not much make-up on, maybe she might wear glasses and clothes that were too big for her in colours like grey and beige. Someone who you wouldn't look at if she passed you on the street. Someone going out of her way not to be looked at, because if you looked closely you might see bruises on her pale skin. I imagined, and this is the part that made me cringe the most, that she might be poorly educated from a bad side of town. She would have to be, to have picked up the kind of guy who would think it was all alright to knock her around, wouldn't she? Right?

Wrong.

I am half-British, half-Dominican. I have dark hair, olive skin and deep brown eyes. I love wearing make-up and wearing bright colours and short skirts. I kind of like it when people look at me as I walk down the street, I'm not going to lie! I'm certainly not 'skinny'... I am five-foot-one of boobs, bum and bouncing curls. I come from a good family, and have an English Literature degree from one of the best universities in the country. I didn't pick up my abusive ex whilst cruising the council estates, I met him at work when I had just started my graduate career. 

If I had a penny for every time someone has told me in the past six months that I don't look like a victim of domestic abuse I would be on a beach in Cancun sipping mojitos from a coconut right now. And it has led me to ask, what does a victim of domestic abuse look like?

According to our abusers, we are too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too boring, too untalented. I even know a few victims out there who have been told that they are unloveable. And yet, here is a collection of some of the world's favourite celebrities who have fallen victim to domestic violence before... Each and every one of them has probably been told the same as we have in the past, and yet they are also some of the most beautiful, sexy, intelligent, interesting and talented women in the world.

Charlize Theron fell victim to her father's domestic abuse to her mother. When she was just fifteen years old, her mother shot her father dead in self-defence.

Madonna was allegedly beaten by her husband-at-the-time Sean Penn for nine hours straight one night in 1980 when he lost his temper.

Most guys out there would kill to have Rihanna as their girlfriend... Chris Brown it seems would rather kill her. He tried to force her from the moving car, bit her fingers and ears, punched her repeatedly in the head, slammed her face against the passenger seat window, put her in a headlock and threatened that he would kill her. Rihanna has since returned to Chris Brown following his completion of a domestic violence course. 

Pamela Anderson filed for divorce shortly after her now-ex-husband Tommy Lee assaulted her. She reported him to the police and pressed charges which resulted in him being given a three-year suspended prison sentence, having to spend 180 days in prison and being forced to pay $6200 to a refuge for victims of domestic abuse.

  

Nigella Lawson was assaulted by her now-ex-husband Charles Saatchi in public as they sat at a restaurant having an argument and he grabbed her by the neck in broad daylight. Nigella has since divorced Saatchi on the ground of unreasonable behaviour. Understatement of the century.

And let's not all think that it is just women who fall victim to domestic violence. White men, black men, young and old find themselves in danger at the hands of their partners all the time. We might expect this kind of man to be shy, small, skinny. And yet...

Christian Slater required 20 stitches after an argument in a Vegas hotel between him and his wife resulted in her throwing a glass at him. She was subsequently arrested for domestic battery.

Upon finding her husband Lionel Richie with another woman, his wife Brenda Harvey began beating him until it was necessary for the police to be called and her to be arrested for spousal abuse. No, he shouldn't have cheated, but since when does falling in love with someone else justify a violent attack?

More recently, Evan Peters' famous girlfriend Emma Roberts was arrested for bloodying his nose during a disagreement whilst they were in Canada. Apparently the argument got out of control and they were 'hitting each other'... However, as it was Peters who ended up with both a bloodied nose and bite marks on his body, Emma was thought to be the main aggressor.

The point here is that it is so important for us to educate ourselves and know that domestic violence is sadly all around us. Having a stereotype of what an 'average' victim might look like only works to discourage those that don't fit the stereotype from coming clean about their suffering in the fear that no-one will believe them. It isn't about what kind of a person the victim is, but what kind of person the abuser is. 

And as for those of you who have heard tell about how fat, ugly, unloveable, stupid, untalented and uninteresting you are, keep in mind that if the Rihanna's, Pamela Anderson's and Madonna's of the world have been told the same, it is most likely complete and utter bollocks.